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“sad menu” contest from

October 4, 2010

You know what site I like? A lot? It’s a treasure trove of amazing recipes. Browse your way through the deliciousness, or search and find your new love of a recipe.

Have you seen their Halloween section? Those graveyard cupcakes are killing me. Not literally.

So, I’m working last Friday night late, and I get the best email from Stephanie Robinett from Allrecipes, offering us Pity-ers something wonderful. Go follow Allrecipes for the latest news to say thank you for the generosity! GO! Now on to the prizes!

  • First: 30 free 6-month supporting memberships to (normally $9.95 each). That’s amazing, right? We will give them out over Friday and Saturday. We may give out some of them to runners-up to the second bit of prize love…
  • Second: Allrecipes is offering a grand prize of an iHome Kitchen audio device with a radio, iPhone/iPod hookup, and timer. It’s worth $100.  What do you have to do to win? Come up with the saddest menu ever, using your wit and self-aware snark to dig through the great collection of to plan your menu for your Pity Party.What’s that look like? Check out this sample 2-day menu that Stephanie put together (you only need to do a 1-day menu):

Sad Menu example (this is a 2-day menu; you only need to do 1 day)
Day 1 – Breakfast Bloody Mary (repeat with every meal) | Lunch Drunken Shrimp (a precursor to what I will be later) |  Dinner Fried Chicken (my FB status for not being at BHF/I need comfort food) | Dessert Sad Cake (no explanation needed).

Day 2 – Breakfast Hangover Omelet (too many Bloody Marys)| Lunch  Salmon Skewers (missing BHF is like a skewer through my heart/salmon)|Tequila Steak (need more tequila.) | Dessert Lori’s Creamy Strawberry Tequila (need even more tequila).

Make sense? Be funny, use recipes from Allrecipes + the recipe link, and post your menu in the comments below. You have until Wednesday end of day to submit your menu, we’ll vote on Thursday and Friday, and the winner will be announced on Saturday during the Pity Party.

A huge thanks to Allrecipes and Stephanie for the fantastic giveaways!


From → the prizes

  1. Ellen Fitz permalink

    So let’s see… a one-day menu for a pity-party that has pajamas as a uniform, no showers as a mantra, and chocolate as a required food group. I can do this!

    #1 – Breakfast Food: Apples in Pajamas (Even the name of this recipe wants in on BHF10PP)

    #2 – Breakfast Drink: Don’s Friend Tonja’s Cousin Toni’s Boyfriend’s Grandmother’s Eggnog (Okay, if the name didn’t grab you maybe the quart of bourbon plus rum will.)

    #3 – Brunch/Lunch Food: Heart Attack Eggs (This heart attack comes with bacon!)

    #4 – Lunch Drink: Beer Margarita (Win-Win!)

    #5 – Snack: Cry Babies I (The name already rocks but these cookies also have coffee to help even out the previous beer & margaritas & bourbon & rum…)

    #6 – Dinner Food: Slumber Party Pie (Hey – we’re already in PJ’s, right?)

    #7 – Dinner Drink: Apple Jack or Jager Bomb (Apple Jack to mellow out or Jager Bomb to perk up)

    #8 – Dinner Dessert: Chocolate Wine (Whine) Balls (Chocolate and Wine – Just sayin’)

    #1 – Apples in Pajamas –
    #2 – Don’s Friend Tonja’s Cousin Toni’s Boyfriend’s Grandmother’s Eggnog –
    #3 – Heart Attack Eggs –
    #4 – Beer Margarita –
    #5 – Cry Babies I –
    #6 – Slumber Party Pie –
    #7.1 – Apple Jack –
    #7.2 – Jager Bomb –
    #8 – Chocolate W(h)ine Balls –

  2. Breakfast – Cry Babies and Coffee Nudge – Might as well start the day off right liquored up and sugared up.
    Lunch – Hurricanes and Muffaletta Pizza – What a crazy mix up the muffaletta with pizza… Almost as crazy as the mix up as to why I am not at BlogHer Food
    Snack – Ugly Dip with chips – Might as well eat ugly since it is getting mighty ugly round these parts what with the no shower and copious tears flowing.
    Dinner – Spicy Albondigas with The Fires of Hades—Hellish-Relish/Detail.aspx on Alabama Fire Crackers Might as well blame all the tears on all the spicy food.
    Evening Snack – Brownie Martini and Irish Cream Truffle Fudge – A little liquor with your chocolate is always a good way to end the day.

  3. Simply brilliant!

    • Ellen Fitz permalink

      Thanks! Insomnia has its moments.

  4. Since I’ll be dragging myself out of bed the morning of BHF10 and instantly turning green with envy as the BHF10 tweets start rolling out, I think I’ll spend my day glowing green:

    Breakfast: Green eggs and ham (I do not like being left out of BlogHer dude, I do not like it, it ruins my mood and makes me eat green food!)

    Midmorning snack: Green Grape Pie (I might be crying over sour grapes, but I don’t be eating them! Only sweet, sugary grapes for my gaping maw!)

    Lunch: Fried Green Tomato Sandwich (Towanda! Righter of Wrongs, Queen Beyond Compare!) and a Green and Bleu salad (a salad I can cry my envious blues into)

    Dinner: Classy Green Bean Casserole (I’ll be trying to convince myself that even though I’ve been sitting at home gorging myself on jealousy and sugar all day long, I’m still a classy broad who eats her veggies)

    Dessert: Green Grape Pie (I might be crying over sour grapes, but I don’t be eating them! Only sweet, sugary goodness for my gaping maw!)

    Green Eggs and Ham –

    Fried Green Tomato Sandwich –

    Green and Bleu Salad –

    Classy Green Bean Casserole –

    Green Grape Pie –

  5. oopsie. that green grape pie wasn’t supposed to be in there twice! Dangit.

  6. Here’s my sad menu. I’m so sad that I create a menu before officially signing up.

    A hearty, albeit cold and slightly congealed portion of Sell Your Soul to the Devil Eggs. Because let’s face it, it’s all downhill from here. Wash it down with a tumbler of Hop, Skip, and Go Naked. Cheap beer and whiskey. Skip the mimosa and embrace the pathos.

    Mid-morning snack:
    A slice of Depression Cake I. Find solace in the knowledge that if you run out, there is also Depression Cake II and Depression Cake III.

    A plateful of Poor Mamma’s Spaghetti. No, skip the plate and eat directly from the skillet. Utensils optional. Completely forget that you hopped, skipped and got naked during breakfast and wipe your grubby fingers on your sad hip. Wash down with the rest of the cheap beer after realizing you’re out of whiskey.

    Afternoon snack:
    Hermits with Wine. Instructions say to use raisins if dateless. Throw an entire bag of shriveled grapes in there and lament the many times you sat alone by the phone, all dressed with nowhere to go. Triple the amount of wine and enter full-on pity mode. Bake some Fun Cookie Suckers.

    Start with a cocktail of Drunk Monkey. Realize that it was named after you. Then feast on Blackened Tilapia with Secret Hobo Spices (yes, you are so sad that even the hobos won’t tell you squat). Serve with a side of Bub Bub’s Hearty Mush because by this time, you are only capable of repeating single syllables. Giggle uncontrollably in an effort to mask the pain inside. Complete the meal with Plastic Chocolate because you are too sad to deserve the real thing.

    Midnight snack:
    A glass of Never Bitter Lemonade because you’re now in denial. Start going into alcohol withdrawal and mix up a batch of Dirty Blues Martini. Because let’s face it, by now you’re filthy, still blue, and kinda smell like cheese.

    • I’m not even going to compete with Ivory Hut here. Just give her the prize!!

  7. Here’s my sad (drunken) menu for the pity party. And since the goal is to roll out of bed and start drinking, alcohol will be used in each and every dish. After all, my mother always said everything’s better with alcohol.

    Breakfast – Drunken Eggs Toast and a Tequila Sunrise because oranges are used in both (Grand Marnier is an orange liquor and Orange Juice in the drink) and oranges are a classic breakfast food.,

    Midmorning Snack – Drunken Stuffed Figs. It’s perfect – fruit since it’s still morning and cognac to keep the buzz going stong. An added plus – they’re bite-sized so you can just pop ’em in your mouth while lying on the couch in PJ’s.

    Lunch – Mom’s Beef and Beer because about this time you’re gonna wanna call Mom and cry. But be strong, don’t do it. Instead, finish off with Wendy’s Drunken Snow Cone. It’ll bring back happy childhood memories, for at least a couple minutes, right up to the point when you remember you’re not at Blogher Food, which is why there’s all that alcohol to numb the pain.

    Afternoon Snack – Drunken Sailors because well, by then, with the amount of alcohol we’ll have consumed, we’ll all be acting like them.

    Dinner – Easy Flat Iron Steak in Wine Sauce because let’s face it, by this time we’re gonna need something that doesn’t take a lot of brain power to cook since we’ll have masacred all those brain cells.

    Finish off the night with some White Russian Brownies for dessert. They’re the perfect end to a hellish day – you’ve got your Chocolate and your White Russian all in one. You must eat the whole pan since you’re not at Blogher Food and all alone. On your couch. Still in your PJ’s.

  8. Sad…sad…pitiful menu for a pity party. This menu aims for comfort, alcohol, and plenty of fattening treats.

    Because you are not going to wake up early enough to cook a proper breakfast.
    Breakfast: Overnight Bubble Bread

    If you would like a little protein: Alaskan Chocolate Scrambled Eggs

    Drink Pairing: A little melodramatic, but it’s a pity party, right?
    Suicide Smoothie

    Feeling sorry for yourself? Soothe yourself with these.
    Snack: Sweet Tooth Treats

    You’ll be wallowing in pity, who cares what the stupid recipe is called. As long as its edible, right?
    Lunch: Stupid Hot Dog Thing

    Drink Pairing: Tropical Depression

    Snack: Can’t Leave Alone bars
    Perfect, since you’ll be home on the couch all weekend watching the festivities from afar…

    By this time, all you’re going to want is a big casserole full of cheese, cheese and more deliciously comforting cheese. And something on the side to match your sour, blue mood.
    Dinner: Lazy Baked Macaroni and Cheese

    Side dish: True blue potato salad

    Side dish: Sour Wiener Gravy
    (this is someone’s treasured family recipe, but gingersnaps, wieners and gravy??)

    Pairing: Northern Comfort

    Dessert: Sad Cake

    Extra Dish, in case you’ve had too many Northern Comforts and Tropical Depressions to ease the pain: Under the Sea Salad
    From the site: By: Lucy Lore…”Pears and cream cheese lie beneath a clear sea green layer after unmolding.”

    Required attire: Robe, slippers, mismatched pajamas, and of course no hair brush necessary.

  9. Breakfast: Pigs in a Blanket, because we’ll be lucky if we can compose ourselves enough to crawl out of bed before getting online and feeding ourselves.

    Breakfast drink: Mormon Champagne – You don’t even get to have alcohol yet, loser.

    Lunch: Frito Pie (made with Flatlander Chili, because nothing is sadder than eating with a spork directly out of a bag.

    Lunch drink: A shaker of Texatinis (it’s got OJ so you’ll get your nutrients for the day)

    Dinner: Mama Bear’s Porridge – All you deserve is a bowl full of mush.

    Dinner drink: Fishbowl-style Long Island Iced Tea. You need something to make the pain go away, and this will give you a different kind of pain.

    Dessert: Double Chocolate Mint Cookies. Do not bake. Who are we kidding, you can’t use an oven at this point. Serve preferably with a large wooden spoon. Make sure to use lots of mint in the batter, because it will help cover your nasty drunk breath. You freak.

  10. Breakfast, Day 1: None.

    Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. You suck. You don’t get any.

    Lunch, Day 1: Stupid Hot Dog Thing

    Hey, this is all you deserve for lunch. After all, you were stupid enough not to buy tickets for Blog Her Food. The only way to treat yourself after that failure is to consume a lot of processed meat–the bane of all foodies’ existence.

    Snack, Day 1: Dog Food Dip

    I love my dog enough not to even try and feed her this. You, on the other hand, deserve some “processed cheese food” presented in all its glory. Eat with rice cakes, because those are just bland.

    Dinner, Day 1: Bologna Salad Sandwich Spread

    Keeping with the theme of processed food, you get to chase your liquor with some ground up eggs and bologna mixed with your least favorite creamy salad dressing. Add in some stale bread and you’re set for the night.

    Dessert, Day 1: Patriotic Gelatin Salad

    Gelatin: the King of Processed Food. ‘Nuff said.

    Drink of the Day, Day 1: Adult Party Punch

    This is about the only adult action you’re going to see all weekend, so might as will drink up and regularly. Hint: even if you do manage to get showered and dressed, the opposite (or same) sex won’t even touch you–no one sleeps with the pitiful.


    Brunch, Day 2: Bloody Mary Shrimp

    You may think the Bloody Mary component will help with this morning’s hangover, but beware: seafood doesn’t mix well with an upset stomach. Prepare to leave your keyboard unattended for at least part of Day 2.

    Snack Day 2: Cat Poop Cookies

    You are what you eat. Well, in this case you’re eating what you’re excreting. Or at least something similar. Enjoy!

    Dinner, Day 2: Garbage Can Turkey

    Get over it. You feel like crap, you look like crap, so might as well continue to eat crap.

    Dessert, Day 2: Bucket of Mud

    You know where I’m going with this… Hey! At least it’s not a Bucket of Blood. Speaking of which, don’t strain too hard…

    Drink of the Day, Day 2: Water

    In a bold attempt to make yourself feel better, you’re going to be chugging the agua all day long. Let me tell you a secret: It’s not going to work, so you might as well trade it in for its clear substitute, vodka.

  11. Day 1:
    Breakfast – Alienated Blueberry Muffins (Because that’s how I feel) with a True Wisconsin Bloody Mary (The recipes states that this is best when consumed before noon. Who am I to argue?)
    Lunch – Depression Era Corn Chowder with a A Big, Honkin’ Margarita. (What, you need an explanation for that?)
    Dinner – Drunk Chicken (Because it doesn’t seem fair that I should be the only one drunk in the kitchen.)
    Dessert – Pain Perdue (Maybe the brandy in the batter will help me with my pain.)
    Day 2:
    Breakfast: Bacon for the Family or a Crowd (Of course, we are talking of a crowd of 1 here.) with Breakfast In A Glass (Less work. What, there was no vodka in the original list of ingredients? Oh, well…)
    Lunch: Eggy Doodle Sandwiches (It’s a fried egg sandwich on steroids!) with Fried Irish Potato Farts (Sorry that’s an ‘L’, not a ‘T’. What can I say? Depression makes me immature.)
    Dinner: Chunky Monkey Pancakes (That’s what I feel like by now, and there’s no rule that says you can’t have pancakes for dinner) with Chocolate Gravy I and Chocolate Gravy II
    Dessert (No, pancakes and chocolate gravy were not dessert) – Sad Cake with a Suicide Smoothie to end it all. (It’s a drink that’s supposed to knock me off my feet when the time is right!)

  12. Rose in Ohio (@RoseMillsOhio) permalink

    You guys are hilarious!

  13. These are great! Er, pitiful!!

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. let’s pick the saddest menu – « #BHF10PP – The Pity Party for the sad people who can't attend BlogHer Food '10, 8-9 October
  2. Kitchy Cooking − White Russian Brownies in honor of BHF10PP

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